CONFESSIONS OF A THIRTY-SOMETHING YEAR OLD
Fine Lines: A Few Wrinkles in Time
There are so many fine lines in life and I think I’ve crossed a ton.
Love and hate.
Life and death.
Good and bad.
Assertion and aggression.
Pride and shame.
There are so many fine lines in life and I think I’ve crossed a ton.
They’ve become wrinkles that distorted the beauties I used to see in life.
Like those moments when I thought sharing intimate parts of my life was being transparent, but it was really oversharing and not honoring my own privacy. There was also that time that I thought sharing my marital problems was a way of seeking godly counsel, instead it caused more chaos. I definitely recall many moments when I was vulnerable and shared my darkest, innermost secrets just for them to be reiterated right back from people I hardly knew.
There’s that fine line between relief and regret, and I’ve flirted with that line too often. Those times of relief may have been disguised as late night text/FaceTime sessions. Whereas the times of regret were when I overshared about my abusive relationship and triggered the traumatic memories that caused me to isolate myself at home for long period time and shutting down.
With so many fine lines in life who needs enemies?
Maybe I can blame being naive or simply lack of better judgment, but most of the time when I flirted on those fine lines, I really didn’t know when they were crossed until it was too late. Once I crossed those lines they became blurred and no one could tell the difference, not even me.
Instead of creating boundaries and practicing better decision-making skills, I shut myself out from everything and everyone. I chose the wrong people to vent to or seek guidance. I was transparent with people who chose to weaponize my insecurities. I have been embracing my 30s because everyday I force myself to make a conscious decision not to live in regret, but to learn from all the fine lines I’ve crossed and be better to not only others, but myself.
I know how difficult it is to ask for help especially during Covid times when everyone seems to be struggling. It’s a humbling experience when we have to set our pride aside and admit that you don’t have it all together. We definitely live and learn because throughout the last few years, I’ve learned who I can seek for help, counsel, or just an open ear. Everyone is not your friend. Everyone does not have your best interest in mind. We find the people who aren’t listening to judge us, but to genuinely help.
Recently I was able to lend an open ear to someone in my life who I honor and strongly respect. Our personalities are opposites and we don’t have a lot in common but our relationship works. Although we have many differences, our struggles and difficult times have similarities. She shared some private events and struggles in her life and I listened and was able to send some helpful solutions her way. I didn’t think to pass judgment or divulge her information to anyone because there is no point in that. Aside from that I was able to share my knowledge with someone who could benefit.
A few weeks passed since she let me know what was going on, and she reached out to me to thank me for providing her with resources and solutions for her situation. She was so grateful and I was genuinely honored to have helped in what I thought was a small way. We discussed how hard it can be to share such private information and then when you share it with the wrong person, it’s like committing emotional suicide.
Being on the wrong side of those fine lines can enhance our insecurity and mistrust. It can raise our skepticism and stunt our growth. It can feel lonely and with nowhere to go.
We can change the narrative and instead of seeing the fine lines as ugly wrinkles that need some cream, we can see them like ripples in the water. The beauty in wrinkles is that they represent wisdom.
Life is that perfect fine line between ironies.
